#i feel like something that many extreme animal rights people don’t realize is that so many people in the livestock industry do adore the

[teabookgremlin]

i love listening to people who have devoted their lives to working with cows talk about cows

[jennilah]

I don't think I've ever fully read your about me thing until a few minutes ago, and I looked at the animation reel on your website, AND HOLY CRAP YOUR WORK IS AMAZING?? AND YOU'VE WORKED ON SOME OF THE COOLEST FILMS WHAT THE FUCK, It's so good I'm in shock, what's your job like? Does it ever get stressful? What's the best thing you've ever worked on in your job? And once more, HOLY CRAP YOUR ANIMATIONS ARE AWESOME OH MY FREAKING GOD.

Hope you have a good day, AND YOU ARE SO COOL, inspiring me to look at what job I actually want in the future.

ASHDHSHFHHG THANK YOU SO MUCH

i’m so happy you like it!! it’s weird to say but it’s hard to openly gush about my own work without sounding like i’m just bragging but I really do just enjoy what I do that much

it’s usually normal! whenever I get to actually slap some keyframes around and work on exciting shots, it’s a LOT of fun. because I find the act of animating genuinely enjoyable. and I love my teammates, the people I get to work with is some of the best parts. Many of my favorite experiences so far was just because the team was so fun to work with, with our team memes and jokes and outings and such. doing extreme overtime was made slightly worth it with such entertaining companions in the animation trenches by my side.

sometimes it’s incredibly stressful yes. the technical stuff isn’t as fun, or sometimes you get a shot that makes you want to rip all your hair out because it’s so goddamn annoying, or it’s just very difficult, or there’s technical glitches kicking your ass, or the clients just seem to never be happy with it. there’s def been some long nights with tears. but usually the rewarding stuff outweighs the bad. for me at least. 😬

oh god don’t even get me started on the industry halts, that’s a whole other beast that we’re dealing with right now.

ANYWAY

gosh well everything i’ve worked on is one of my children that i love in its own way………. but i DO love my children unequally LMAO

some of my top experiences have definitely been:

Godzilla KOTM- a dream come true as a big Godzilla fan and relatively new animator, and later again getting to work on Monarch

Prey- some of the most kickass shots i’ve gotten to say I animated. the predator fighting a bear? fuck yeah

Top Gun Maverick- the absolute jaw-dropping shock i had to the reception to the film, realizing what i got to be a part of. an incredibly surreal feeling.

and i’ll stop there bc i could honestly say something about everything and just go down memory lane like a cringe aunt forcing everyone to look at her vacation photos

again THABK YOU SO MUCH!!!! 😭 ❤️❤️

[very-straight-blog]

Unpopular opinion (spoilers)

Well, I've read The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes, and I really can't understand why everyone is so pissed off about Snow. First of all, let's be clear - we're not talking about Snow from the trilogy, but about Snow from this book, from the prequel. This boy hasn't killed Finnick, tortured Peeta, etc. yet. Before reading a book, I found various reviews and was expecting something like a story of becoming a villain, but instead I got the story of a boy trying to provide security for himself and his family. Since when did that become something bad? I got from the reviews that there are actually two things imputed to him - Sejanus's death and his relationship with Lucy Gray. Let's talk about it.   So, Sejanus. I don't understand at all why he's supposed to be a positive character. He's an infantile child who craves attention. Shortsighted, ungrateful and rather stupid. His father did everything to save him from the reaping and he can't show even the slightest gratitude? He and his potential wife and children will never have to participate in the Hunger Games, and he acts like his father is the worst person on the planet? Really? Next, there's a big difference between questioning the social system you're in, pondering ways to change the situation, and protesting openly on your own, obviously having no effect on anything. The second is stupid, and on top of that, you frame people close to you, your family and friends. We saw it when Snow was sent to the arena to save Sejanus. In fact, Coriolanus made his first murder because of Sejanus's stupidity. Sejanus doesn't understand that in a totalitarian state, the best thing you can do is to nurture your plans quietly, and he doesn't know how to control his emotions. After the arena story, he was even given a second chance, which he ignored and started helping the rebels. This guy chose to die from the beginning, it was his choice to take the risk, he should have understood the potential consequences of his decisions. The good old argument - "And why was Coriolanus allowed to escape" - well I don't even know, maybe Coriolanus wasn't rescuing captured rebels along the way? And yes - I'll remind you - Coriolanus and Sejanus were not friends, it was Sejanus who saw Snow as a friend, because no one else interacted with him. Why would Snow frame himself because of a man he essentially didn't care about? And yes - Snow was right - these men had no weapons, no money, not even a proper plan. This rebellion made no sense and was doomed beforehand.   Now, Lucy Gray. I think Coriolanus really was in love with her. I don't think it was a healthy feeling, but still. He defended her in the arena while endangering himself and essentially lost everything because of it. I really don't approve of the fact that he shot her at the end of the book - but for the world he lived in, his paranoia is logical (not to be confused with approving). I've seen people talking about choosing between love and power - but what kind of love are we talking about? A teenage passion that was born in extremely unhealthy circumstances? They spent a total of three days together, no more. It is normal to prefer the well-being of yourself and your family, comfort, security, stability and prospects to such "love". Also, I've seen many people having fun because of his behavior in the wildlife - but it's perfectly normal, isn't it? It's normal to be disgusted at the sight of worms, normal to realize that the idea of looking for some imaginary people in the woods is stupid, normal to realize that they will die here from any disease/cold/attack by wild animals. And what would they do out there alone, even if they managed to survive? These are all the adequate thoughts of a normal person.

  In conclusion, I will say that I still have a lot of thoughts about this book, here I have shared only the main ones. However, for me it was a book with the most obvious message I've read lately. Even if the author tried to show us the formation of a villain, she failed. The result is a book with a wonderful character, who is finally in no hurry to give up his life for the sake of a meaningless idea, but thinks first of all about himself and his family. Coriolanus's choices in the book are not easy, but logical, and I would like to see more such realistic characters in literature.

[jovrien]

Yo yo so I went over my drafts and found a post I’ve written last April but idk why I didn’t post this.

⚠️⚠️⚠️ yapping alert! It’s all nonsense. I’m just posting this for my future self lol

••••••••••••••••••

Something bothers me and the Holy Spirit is pestering me to write this shit on tumblr for my peace of mind so here goes.. (Oh btw this post is nonsense and quite lengthy but I just wanna shit it outta my mind so I could finally let go of whatever this is. And oh I’m kinda drunk lol)

But first lemme confess something lol I have a crush on the guy on this photo. I took a screenshot of this pic last March 26, I stare at it every morning and damn I still feel the same to this day lol am I.. am I.. still okay? 🤭

Damn this bro is too fine I wanna look exactly like him on my next edition reincarnation 🙂‍↕️

Moving on..

So I’m just new to this whole Astrology shit and as a Capricorn Sun/Virgo Rising, I can say it’s pretty accurate how they described me as having a straight nose, good forehead, and a person who is neat freak lmaooo 😆 crazy 🤭 so yeah I never really gave a flying fuck about Astrology because I thought it was a bit ‘girly’ or something only girls do, but it all changed when last December 30, 2023, I saw a Tiktok about the Cardinal Signs (Aries, Cancer, Libra and Capricorn) finally ending their 16-year struggle since 2008. I mean, the last 16 years truly made me realize a lot of shit, and I lost A LOT. The last one taken away from me was my dog (Gisele Heart Particles Nougat Shamcey Chamyto Chimmy 2010-2023). So yeah, it was quite a relief knowing that the cycle is coming to an end and that the next 20 years is gonna be rosy for the Cardinal Signs. But there’s one more boss fight before Pluto finally leaves us Cardinal Signs for good as it’s going to retrograde back for a just a few months (September-November) and then GONE FOREVER.

Btw, astrologers are saying that the Fixed Signs are gonna go through shit in the next 20 years, but please don’t be afraid if you’re a Fixed Sign (especially if you’re a nice person).

So yeah, I found myself crotch-deep into astrology and found out that my ruling planet is Saturn 🪐 and that meant instant karma in both directions. And this is what bothers me because it means I have to be a good guy all the time! I mean, I’m actually a good guy because I’m kind to animals and the needy, and my secret Spotify Progressive House playlist is just 💯 👌🏼 sorry I digress lol

What bothers me is that they are saying that I shouldn’t do bad things because karma would bite me in the ass. And I have been losing sleep because of that. You see, I’m addicted to doing bad things (no, not the criminal bad things fyi. I’m a very lawful person). The things I do are too extreme that it causes panic in heaven 😝 jk

Okay while writing this post I found this comment on a Tiktok vid that made all my worries disappear

Bing Bong! Amazing how the Universe answers my questions right away. 😈 Now that I don’t have to worry about guilt (On so MANY occasions I made people do the unthinkable. I fucked my friend’s partner during a threesome) So yeah.. now that the fear of being karma’d is out of the way, lemme tell you (yeah you sleuthing relative who haunts my blog!) the best thing about being a Capricorn ruled by Saturn - we are divinely protected by Karma. It’s like having a Doberman on a night walk around the block.

I have thought of the times when people were mean and really really bad to me even if I only showed them kindness so Imma list the karma they got. (btw I’m gonna have to change some details about them so it isn’t too obvi who they are)

1. This person humiliated me in front of people (worst thing that was ever done to me), then two days later bammmm the most devastating thing happened to his wife and kids which left him in extreme pain and distress for a few months.

2. This woman hated me for no reason, talked shit about me, then a few days later she was diagnosed with cancer.

3. An evil person who did me super dirty was humiliated on a national level lmao imagine being in the news for the wrong things you did.

4. I was never bullied when I was a kid, but there was this classmate in grade school (24 years ago) who was so jealous of my Nokia 3210. She intentionally sat on my backpack, broke the screen, and even though I was fuming, I didn’t hit her ultra wide face with my hand. A few days later I heard from a classmate that she was going through shit at home because her mom found out that her dad was having an affair lmao 🤣 I stalked her IG just now and found out she’s battling with extreme obesity. Oh nooo karma is a cat purring on my lap cherryt 😝

I could go on writing (20 or more) about how people who did me wrong got bitten by karma but that would make me seem immature, childish and vindictive so imma just end this nonsense here. Ciao 🍻

[lieutenant-amuel]

back in january you reblogged a fic writer's ask game and i know i'm kinda late to the party but I wanna know ✅, 😊, and as an extra, blogger's choice! pick one question you really wanted someone to send you and answer that :3

Thank you, Ditto!

✅ list one or two favorite lines you’ve written and explain why they’re your favorite

Okay, I’ll try to be more creative and choose one line from WBTL and another one from one of my one-shots.

He came closer to the bush on which lush roses bloomed and saw that one of them was hidden in the thickets of the larger flowers. He gently pushed them away so this rose had more space to open its petals and saw that it wasn't any less beautiful than the rest.

This one is from the Blooming Rose. I think this one-shot is my favourite and I love this particular line because it’s meant to be a parallel to how Gabe feels about being in the guard and I’d say this is nice symbolism.

"My words might sound too ambitious but by becoming an assistant, I strive to gain experience for becoming the patrol leader myself afterwards. I want to guide and inspire people, and to earn their respect and… recognition… is the highest prize for me."

I was thinking about the line about Gabe or spoken by Gabe because I’ve written many good scenes or even entire chapters that let him shine and I still love Gabe’s answers in this scene in the chapter the Scout Camp. Now when I think about it, I realize that it’s extremely inaccurate for real life scouting but I’d say that I really managed to capture Gabe’s voice and highlight his dreams and the main aspects of his personality.

😊 say something nice about your writing

I love symbolism in writing and I genuinely think that I’m good at incorporating it into my own writing. I make parallels, add symbolic objects, give meaningful names to my characters, use foreshadowing. I like it because it’s clever, and I think my writing is clever too.

(remember one of the latest short stories about Ángel? He points at the cloud that resembles a bear and asks Señor Garcia to look at it. His name is Bernardo, and its meaning is “strong as a bear”)

I think I’m good at writing dialogues. They always seem natural and lively to me, and I’d say I make my characters (whether these are canon characters or my own) sound distinct and have a unique voice.

I always do lots of research work for my writing. Some time ago I rewatched EoA from the pilot to the finale solely for the reason I wanted to write down all the things from the show lore that I might need for my stories. Those were locations, food, games, traditions, holidays, crafts, magic, even flowers and animals. For the same reason I’m currently watching Sofia the First. I can’t even count how many time I rewatched Gabe episodes so I could catch his speech patterns and body language.

When I write WBTL, I write about many things that I don’t know much about but I always make sure to study the subject first and try to get it right so it was accurate.

I might be listing these things because to be honest, they are my favourite things about writing. But I really want to think that I’m doing well in these regards.

🎶 do you write with music? does the music you’re listening to influence your writing? [blogger’s choice]

I want to answer this question because I finally have something to say about it. I have never listened to music when writing until recently because I thought it would be distracting (and to be honest, I didn’t even have headphones until 2023, I think). But now whenever I’m on the road and writing, I’m listening to music. I wouldn’t say it influences my writing, I rather use it as a background noise because listening to my favourite songs is sure more fun than listening to the rumble of train wheels. When I’m writing at home though I’m not listening to music.

But I can say that music has certainly influenced the way I view my characters. There are many songs that I associate with them, and some lines really inspire me to picture my characters along with them.

Thank you again!

Fic Writing Ask Game

[acourtofquestions]

I keep on thinking about the “You left me” scene…

As painful as it is (and NOT one of Rowan & Aelin’s finer or healthiest moments; probably one of if not my LEAST favorite for them) there is something so guttural, telling, & crucial beneath the surface. … Especially the more I analyze many aspects of this VERY layered scene…

So, let’s break it down:

Now this may be my own abandonment issues talking😅but as someone that knows I see this argument (as drastically different as they sound) as two sides of the same coin (as Rowaelin often/always is) both sides rooted in abandonment issues & a consequential fear of love/the loss of it; hence ending up in one of two responses (even in a situation as seemingly ��simple’ as this; triggering) either: clinging to someone with everything you have, begging, fighting, desperately trying to stop it from happening again. Or being the one to leave so you are not the one left saying “I didn’t care anyway” so you don’t have to feel like you lost anything to begin with.

… Sound familiar? It’s what’s happening here.

Unfortunately, this is one of the moments where these two are too much alike; it’s triggering them both (two people who can go from 0-180 & when it comes to flight or fight triggers are very prone to fight) they are arguing with themselves & their own fear/self-loathing more than each-other (thus hitting exactly where it hurts; because they are hurting themselves; for Rowan it’s punishment through self-sabotage, for Aelin it’s proving she’s unworthy of anyone’s care even someone who could be cruel to her) while also simultaneously using it as a form of ‘self-protection’ (they are trying not to care (further mad at themselves for already caring) & terrified for the other because every person they love has left; loving them feels like a death sentence & they have to protect the other by making themselves unlovable; before they get hurt again).

For Aelin, it’s a last resort; fear is a crucial part of her mindset, (upbringing), & survival. She lives in fight or flight, fawn or freeze, (leaning towards the natural inclination of the first latters) this is her fighting, desperately clawing (like a wounded animal), & on her last leg; because if he cannot choose her, cannot stay, will not; if as she describes, “She didn't know why it happened, because she had been so dead set on hating him, but... it would have been nice, she supposed. It would have been nice to have one person who knew the absolute truth about her--and didn't hate her for it. It would have been really, really nice.” If he who knows her unlike anyone ever has or could (from best to worst) has seen it all and found nothing there worthwhile then how can she possibly argue that with herself/anyone? Right then, you see how little she cares for herself (how she stays even when it’s hurting her because she doesn’t know anything else (how would she?) & because she believes every word of it (he doesn’t realize until later just how much she meant every word; because he didn’t, not fully at least, not in the same way she did). She feels that she has “nowhere else to go” because as she said “I have no one left. No one.”) you see how desperate she is for an end to the same trapping heartbreak that keeps repeating again & again. & If she loses him than there is truly nothing left. She is drowning, and this is all of it catching up to her at once — she’s screaming at him as much as everyone she’s ever lost — she’s pleading with Sam to let her look out for him, screaming at Chaol to let her in to trust her (& be worthy of his trust) so she could’ve saved Nehemia; an extremely raw wound (as shown in the broken echoing words she finally gives voice to in the next chapter), screaming at Nehemia for choosing to leave her, at Arobynn for betraying her (even if she can’t admit it yet, unleashing one begins unleashing them all) screaming at the very universe itself (the world that already broke every ‘natural’ promise; stolen all the ones she wasn’t ‘supposed’ to lose) screaming for her parents, her Aedion, her kingdom, herself. — At herself for not being able to save them, to stop it, to be fast enough- -to be enough. And begging for it, for anyone- -anything not to take this too because this is a final breaking for her.

& For Rowan, this feels like a loaded gun. It's his connection to her (despite his trying & denying it; he realizes it had already become a relationship & not just to him but to her) it’s him screaming “You are nothing to me, and I do not care.” to try and make it true because after centuries of not caring about anything or anyone (of feeling only ice), of not having anyone care (or need him for that matter; he’s realizing for better or worse she does)… Here it is (someone who cares & someone who needs him; someone who he cannot turn away because she can bear all of his ice & still understand him; he hates her for it, he hates himself for it “There is nothing that I can give to you. Nothing I want to give to you.”)… Here she is… Begging him to stay (just like Lyria), wanting him to stay (something he does not feel he deserves — “Aelin, you deserve better than this-than me.” — & is trying to prove to her as protection & punishment; to be the monster), caring enough about him to want him to stay in the first place (something he truly thinks they are better off without; he's reminding himself as much as warning her when he says, “The people you love are just weapons that will be used against you”— another key word will —he believes it all is already inevitably doomed. So, while she is desperately giving a last try, he has already given up on trying.) He is a wild animal trapped into a corner; if she cares—if he cares; because it will end (she will leave; because she is capable & will learn & be back on her way, gone again while he will still be stuck with Maeve the same as before (he twists it to sound different but the meaning is the same when he says, “the sooner I can be rid of you”.); or worse she may very well get herself killed (the way she’s going) the way he knows why, (why do you think he spends so much time trying to get her to fight for her own life?- -To scare her, provoke her, anger her- -anything to shake her from her stupor… he says as much later on “You're learning.” “You get baited by me every now and then, too, you know.” He gave her a look that said, I let you bait me, in case you haven't noticed."… anything to make her make it out alive) & he has not helped that either because he can’t help himself. So, either way, he feels stuck in the same mistake again & again; is he failing her the same as he did Lyria? Is he failing Lyria by repeating it (worse; is he betraying Lyria in the fact he may care for someone else?) — if he is, how does he survive that?). … He has been trying to tell himself 'she's just another soldier', yet, here he is again raw with Gavriel tattooing even more names of grief (because 'just a soldier' doesn't make it hurt less). & She is not just another soldier; he (an ‘all-knowing-immortal’) was wrong; he is missing something about her (this “girl” doesn’t add up; this fight doesn’t add up) & He is feeling the weight of every mistake; even as he makes another one; to hurt her now thinking; it’s better than getting her killed, (it’s better than him caring & losing her) It’s what he ‘deserves’ (he hates himself for it, even as he breaks her heart; it’s why he says, “and for a heartbeat he hoped she’d left, if only so he didn’t have to face what he’d said yesterday.” because he knew he was wrong & he hated himself for it; he does it to punish himself as much as to protect himself & her). It's his last attempt at pushing her away (and ultimately the one that makes him realize he cannot).

It's not an excuse, but it is a reason. One that makes sense the more I read, re-read, & continue the series. This fight is in some ways their first real fight; because they are both vulnerable because this is more than a biting surface (because they have always been more than that). And it forces them to realize & reconcile; to go to their true worst until there is nothing left but to piece together something else.

For two people so fearful & without option they needed to hit the rock bottom together; to have no doubt that they were chosen at their true worst; to learn almost losing the other did not leave them better off; & know that they cannot turn away, & will not because if it would have happened, it would have been then (& there is no more point in being afraid anymore; it is too late to take back what’s been forged; “Something molten rushed through her, pouring over every crack and fracture still left gaping and open. Not to hurt or mar--but to weld.”)… Without it Rowan would never have checked himself, he would have trained her on nothing more than begrudging orders of Maeve, & he would never have cared to ask or learn more… She would have either bet everything on him & thrown herself into another relationship to outrun everything else, & end up broken again because she cannot learn to sit with (nor accept) herself. She was forced to pick life or endless nothing, to stop freezing or fawning or running, to care & fight for it; & find something more worth fighting for (to accept her anger & also learn to be more than just angry) To let it out & let go; to stop drowning on the words that have been suffocating her for months; to stop being afraid to say them. … And while they cannot quite say all those words; I’m sorry, I care about you… They can know they won’t say the other again… They are not expected to be more than they can give. There is finally an understanding (the start of a friendship… & maybe ‘more than’ friends) because they stop running from it & instead run in headfirst. … Through the most dividing thing they are finally not alone. The final stand stands. There is no more fight against each-other. It cannot get worse, they can survive it, and now they are really what they are.

[1moremilgram-enjoyer]

With the knowledge that I can send as many asks as I want, be prepared for me to never shut up (/hj) Anyway, like I said in the comments of my previous question, I would like to hear a few words about Haruka, because he is also one of my favorites All of my favorites have at one point or another gotten unforgiven and I don't know what that says about my morality

Oh, don’t worry, I love receiving asks! And I wouldn’t worry too much about the guilty thing, like half the cast has been voted guilty at one point or another. Or maybe I’m just coping because my favorites are Amane and Mikoto, maybe Fuuta and Muu, so I’m on the same boat. At least Es can’t be voted Guilty, right?

CW: Murder, animal death, suicide.

Anyways, Haruka. This physical manifestation of mommy issues is really quite cool. I really love his MVs, and his songs slap, hard. His need for attention is a very unique motivation, and I love how it plays off Muu’s own issues. Their dynamic is super interesting.

Haruka: Muu is my mother. (2nd VD)

My guy. What.

But he’s still a really intriguing character on his own. I’m really fascinated by the way his character tackles untreated mental illness, there’s a lot to be said about that aspect of him. And I am a big fan of the “suicide theory” by moibakadesu, I think it makes him an even more fun-to-analyze character.

His interrogation questions are some of the most interesting too imo.

T1 Q17: Is there something you regret?

H: There is.

Ooh… What’d you do Haruka boy?

T1 Q18: What are you most scared of?

H: Betraying people.

Muu and him were always going to form a unhealthy codependency weren’t they.

T1 Q20: What’s the most expensive thing you’ve ever bought?

H: Cotton candy.

From this we can gather that cotton candy is extremely expensive in Haruka’s world, which implies a shortage of the elements used to create it. In this essay I will

T2 Q2: What’s your opinion on the Guard?

H: Guard-san is not my mom.

My guy. Please.

T1 Q14: What’s an event that sticks to your memory?

H: Fireworks

???

T2 Q4: Tell us the origin of your name.

H: It seems like she wanted a girl. She had already chosen this name.

Like the girl in Weakness? Oh, theorizing go brrr…

T2 Q11: Are there any prisoners you can't deal with right now?

H: I'm fine with Amane-chan now. I'm not scared of small children anymore.

Objectively hilarious answer. These two need to interact more.

And I also just think it’s really funny how the most recent timelines dialogue we’ve gotten outside of character birthdays are him begging us/Es to inno Muu, and then we gave her the widest Guilty ratio in Milgram history. L moment.

(I really hope he doesn’t manage to kill himself or that is gonna age horribly)

On the topic of verdicts, I do think the Guilty this trial was probably necessary. Not because it’s somehow gonna stop him from hurting himself (because I’m pretty sure that’s not how that works), but because we need him to realize he did something real bad at some point, and putting it off until the Third Trial is dangerous when we don’t know what the final trial will be like. Sorta the same reasoning as Muu funnily enough, we can’t let the Trial 1 inno be misinterpreted. Though I do wonder how he’s gonna react to both his own and Muu’s verdicts. I have a feeling the answer will be “not well.”

Anyways, yeah. He ranks a solid score on the Silliness Scale. He’s cool, I like him. Thanks for the ask! Hope this was a satisfying answer!

[deathbydarkelves]

re: periods and elves, since trolls have mating cycles (according to that one female troll joke, so dunno how canon it really is lol), maybe elves do too?

Maybe I'm paranoid, but as I was writing I realized this could break containment in a very unfortunate way so I’m just saying here at the start:

THIS POST IS ABOUT DEATHBYPIXELZ’S WORLD OF WARCRAFT AU. IT IS MEANT TO BE A NEUTRAL DISCUSSION OF BIOLOGY IN FANTASY. IT IS NOT INTENDED TO BE ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE.

Anyway…

The /flirt line, for those who were unaware/don’t remember:

I actually ended up having a whole conversation with some friends of mine about this topic, and did more research into menstruation and estrus in general (despite being AFAB I just never really cared to learn more). As a result I’ve landed on what I find to be a satisfactory hc answer, which is that elves menstruate every three months or so. Three is a somewhat arbitrary number, but my reasoning is as follows:

Elves have the same amount of control over their environment as irl humans, so resources are always plentiful, so there is no ecological pressure to have a yearly cycle (i.e. one which encourages birth during spring). They can afford a more frequent one.

However, being so long-lived, there is also no pressure to be, ah… capable quite as OFTEN as humans. Humans are only fertile a couple days a month, and elves in every setting I’m aware of are famously terrible at making more elves, so them only being fertile for a quarter of the time humans are creates an easy reason why.

It’s a good middle ground between “frequent enough to be relatable” and “just way too frequent for someone who's immortal”.

Three is a nice, easy-to-remember number.

In regards to the troll /flirt… My friends (who are heavily involved in the troll side of the fandom) informed me that line has long been used as justification for kinky at best, racist at worst fan works 💀 I’m not accusing anon of anything, just saying this thing has history I was previously unaware of.

And, yeah, I don’t really treat the /flirts as canon. Like, at all. There’s just too many that break the fourth wall or are otherwise non-diegetic that I can’t in good faith give much weight to any of them. To me, that line is a symptom of the very overt racism trolls have sadly been treated with since their inception.

(Note: I’m not damning fan works that use that line as inspiration on principle. I understand that’s a kink many people have, and I say do whatever works for you, as long as you, y’know, are aware of the racism that’s kinda just baked into this specific case. Kink responsibly lol)

Also worth stating that estrus/“heat” is just a term for “advertised fertility”, at least as far as I can tell. So, like, female moths releasing pheromones to attract males, or changes in behavior. But, I dunno, to me that seems like a really fuzzy term. Even humans sometimes have increased libido during that time, or changes in vaginal discharge. Does that count as “advertisement”? It’s a slight behavioral/physical change! And it's not like humans are somehow separate from all other animals; we're just animals too. So even if I treated that /flirt line as canon, the terminology used could just mean… "horny". And that’s how I’ll choose to interpret it, because sapient/humanlike races having expressly non-humanlike biological things like "a 'heat' so extreme it's equivalent to an altered state of mind" is just… an ick of mine, if I’m being honest. It certainly can be done well, like Jay Eaton’s Avian aliens, but it just doesn’t feel right for any of the races in WoW. In my opinion.

(Note 2: While I am a zoology student, I am in no way versed in these things like a farmer or dog breeder would be, so take my ��what does ‘heat’ even mean” argument with a grain of salt. My point is humans also have hormone cycles which can affect libido and bodily secretions.)

Lastly, menopause: maybe this is just something that's really variable for them. I write elves as aging similarly to humans until their bodies are in a similar state to a thirty- or forty-year old human (at least on the surface), at which point aging dramatically slows. Menopause of course occurs in an average human's forties or fifties, so elves would stop physically aging for the most part right before that. Maybe some stop menstruating right at that point, maybe some go into their hundreds or thousands before that happens, maybe some bleed every three months for their whole lives. Or maybe the cycles get longer and longer and eventually stop /shrug. For an immortal race, a concrete age or age range for it just feels... wrong to me? So something fucked and unpredictable is my compromise. That also throws in another possible obstacle to making more elves, which fits thematically.

But as a TL;DR, I’ve settled on a three month cycle for them. Considering irl menstruating primates are on a 28-45 day range, I’d assume trolls are as well, and perhaps the first elves too. But as time went on and evolution occurred, helped and/or hindered by the Well of Eternity, that lengthened to three months (give or take), with the actual fertile period remaining the same. Keeps it frequent enough to feel relatable, but still feels appropriate for a group of races that lives so long and, in my AU, even sleeps every 36-48 hours instead of every 12(-ish). Menopause happens if and when it wants lol.

[twistedtummies2]

Year of the Bat - Number 26

Welcome to Year of the Bat! In honor of Kevin Conroy, Arleen Sorkin, and Richard Moll, I’m counting down my Top 31 Favorite Episodes of “Batman: The Animated Series” throughout this January. TODAY’S EPISODE QUOTE: “They’ll never slip past me again.” Number 26 is…Lock-Up.

While many of the great villains who appeared in “Batman: The Animated Series” – and, indeed, throughout the DCAU in general – were taken from the comics, there were quite a few baddies that were original to this universe. Some of these villains became so popular, they later were adopted into the comics themselves. Harley Quinn is, by far, the most well-known example of this, but she’s far from the only one: case in point, Lyle Bolton, a.k.a. Lock-Up. In his titular episode, Bolton is introduced as a recent new Chief of Security at Arkham Asylum. He gets his job done well: breakouts and other disasters in this home of the criminally insane have become increasingly rare. HOWEVER, after apprehending a recently-escaped Scarecrow one night, Batman & Robin soon realize that Bolton’s success is coming at a dangerous cost. At an inquest into his time as head of security, the inmates are at first too scared of confessing their fears…but finally, when Bruce Wayne suggests perhaps Bolton should stay on the staff for a while longer, they break their silence. It’s revealed that Bolton violently abuses the inmates, even threatens their very lives, whether they’ve done anything wrong or not. Enraged, Bolton tries to attack those who have singled him out…but is restrained and kicked out of Arkham, terminated immediately. Before leaving, Bolton makes a point that, before his arrival, Arkham was a revolving door for many of the worst people Gotham City has to offer. His methods, brutal and wicked as they might have been, kept the rest of the city safe. Upon being fired, Bolton decides to seek revenge on the ones he believes are TRULY responsible for all the chaos he’s tried to keep contained: “the gutless police, mindless bureaucrats, and coddling doctors.” He thus becomes the supervillain Lock-Up, hoping to bring his own brand of justice to Gotham City. Lock-Up is a great villain – and his episode a great story – because it taps into a fundamental question about superheroes, one which has been brought up many times, perhaps ESPECIALLY in the world of Batman: how far can one really bend or even break the law before they step over the line from hero to villain? Bolton is not someone who seeks power or money, but rather sees what he does as something that SHOULD be done: in his mind, he’s just helping to keep Gotham safe. Batman, of course, will take extreme measures (not AS extreme, but still beyond the norm) towards the same basic goal, and can be quite violent on his own terms. The difference, however, is that Bruce recognizes the value of human life: even when people are terrible, horrible people, they are still human beings, and considering the ones Bolton targets are also people who are mentally deranged, and are supposed to be on a path to rehabilitation rather than simple punishment, he cannot allow Lock-Up to do what he does. He certainly can’t allow it once Bolton decides to go after other people who, really, are not responsible for any great wrongdoing. In a way, I feel like Bolton is a great example of who and what Batman should NEVER be: Lock-Up is more interested in punishing wickedness, and takes sadistic pleasure in what he does. He is a cruel person at heart, despite his preaching of wanting to do what is just and right. Bruce is the opposite, and always should be: underneath his dark demeanor, past all the punches and kicks, he wants to help people find a better life, no matter who they are, something which the series touches on several times. Lock-Up is a nightmare vision of who Batman could have been, if he had not retained some semblance of humanity in his quest to avenge his parents’ murder; we don’t know why Bolton is the way he is, but I’m certainly glad Bruce didn’t end up the same way.

Tomorrow we move on to Number 25! Hint: “Ladies and gentlemen, I’d like you to meet the great Batman! He’s here because he hasn’t got a clue!”

[lingshanhermit]

Lingshan Hermit: A Cat's Perspective on the World

Each of us has many attachments, many things we cannot let go of. You may not care if the tea is strong enough or if others look at you strangely, but you cannot ignore your daughter's early romance, you cannot disregard someone maliciously scratching your car, you cannot dismiss people scoffing at what you believe is the truth.

The reason we cannot let go is that we are all trapped in our illusions. Our illusions bind us tightly. We take them as real so they have the power to tie us down. Once we realize they are only illusions, just like a person in a dream recognizing they are dreaming, we will no longer be afraid regardless of what happens in the dream. You can smile serenely in response to anything.

We believe certain things exist and the world is as we define it. Those around us believe similarly - everyone agrees the sky is blue, the earth is round, feces stinks, money is good. So we are very sure our illusions are correct. We must defend these things (such as our dignity). But we have not realized this is only our shared illusion.

For example, a diamond can make many utterly infatuated, many shoot at each other to compete for diamonds. But I believe if you let a cat choose, it would consider cat food more important than diamonds. A cat's values differ greatly from ours. When a cat sees a diamond, it would not be more excited than if you saw a piece of toilet paper.

All our values are inherited. When you were still babbling as a toddler, you wouldn’t think diamonds are more valuable than glass since you hadn’t been taught those values yet. You hadn’t received that inheritance or empowerment - I'm referring to the belief that diamonds are more worth pursuing than cat food. Buddha and his disciples understood and realized cat food and diamonds have no intrinsic differences, just as there is no difference between feces and gold. All distinctions are fabricated by our minds.

Letting go signifies freedom. It means you have jumped out of the circle you drew (it’s just a chalk circle on the ground, but most people are still trapped by it). We are all stuck inside circles we drew ourselves, unable and unwilling to jump out of them. We feel it's safer and more comfortable to remain inside. So we all become very limited people, only able to be this way but never that. We only accept one approach, never any other. Thus we are extremely narrow-minded, unable to transcend.

When discussing the mind of renunciation, don’t misunderstand - it is not unrelated to emptiness. In fact, true renunciation is the realization of emptiness. When you understand all you cling to are but illusions, you have let go. As mentioned above, when you realize the value of diamonds isn’t truly universal but at most commonly treasured among humans - and still not by everyone - you have let go.

I remember a book that told of an explorer who arrived at an African tribe over a hundred years ago. The natives there did not understand diamonds’ worth in the civilized world. In the locals’ eyes, they were just some nice but easy to obtain rocks. Their value couldn’t even compare to the tobacco the explorer brought. He traded only a few packs of cigarettes for many diamonds. If you say water is more important, most animals probably wouldn’t disagree. But if you say diamonds are very valuable, few animals would agree. This shows its value is only an illusion held by some people, not intrinsic to the object itself nor universal.

When we look at something, we first make the mistake of seeing it as independently existing then name it. We then believe it is exactly how we've defined it (the second mistake). We are then firmly bound by these things.

Liberation means realizing nothing binds you. The only thing binding you are your illusions. Since they are illusions that don't really need destroying as they never existed in the first place, right? You needn't destroy non-existent things, only understand this and prove it to yourself.

In Buddhism, the more superficial interpretation of renunciation is you must leave this place of reincarnation because it is very unsafe. No matter where you hide here, it won’t be completely safe. Thus you must depart this place.

But the most ultimate renunciation is when you realize emptiness - you will understand you need hide from nothing. You also need defend nothing. We often feel an urge to protect because we believe certain things belong to us and are being harmed. We have a duty to protect them. The only thing that can affect you is your clinging to phenomena, not the phenomena themselves. You only need remove the illusions causing you to cling.

The kind of letting go where you avoid things can only help temporarily. You evade certain things that can tempt or affect you but will form new attachments to other things. You cannot avoid everything, especially what’s inside you. But if you comprehend all phenomena's innate nature, you will have no clinging because there is nowhere for it to attach.

Original post dated June 15, 2009

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灵山居士：猫眼看世界   

[drvitaltips]

Can an Extrovert Become an Introvert? Exploring the Change

Ever feel like you're not the same bubbly, outgoing person you used to be? Maybe big parties now sound exhausting, and you'd rather curl up with a book instead. Turns out, personality shifts like this are more common than you'd think. Let's dive into why someone might become less of an extrovert over time. Introverts vs. Extroverts: What's the Difference? Before we dig deeper, it's important to understand the basics: - Introverts get their fuel from within. They love their own company and often find quiet time, like reading or journaling, recharging. - Extroverts thrive on external stimulation. Being around people, especially in lively social situations, energizes them. It's not black and white, though. Most of us fall somewhere on a spectrum between these two extremes. Can Personalities Really Change? Okay, so can an outgoing party animal really become a homebody? The short answer is: kind of. While our personalities do have a set foundation, they're flexible. Here's why someone might become more introverted: - Life Changes: Big events like a career switch, a move, or even a global pandemic can shift our priorities and how we want to spend our energy. - Aging: As we get older, many people naturally become calmer and a little more introverted. - Learning Self-Care: Maybe an extrovert realizes they've been overdoing it socially and needs more downtime to feel their best. Myth: Personalities are fixed.Fact: Our personalities evolve throughout our lives, although drastic changes are less common. Signs You Might Be Leaning Towards Introversion Notice any of these changes in yourself? They could be clues that you're shifting away from extroversion: - Social Butterflies No More: Once the life of the party, now the idea of big gatherings makes you want to hide under the covers. - Energy Drain: Socializing used to pump you up, but now it leaves you feeling wiped out. - Deeper Conversations: You're less into small talk and crave meaningful chats about life, ideas, etc. - The Joy of Alone Time: You actively want to be alone, and it's not just about needing a break. You truly enjoy the peace. So, Am I Still an Extrovert? Good question! There's a whole range of personalities between pure extroversion and introversion. Here's something to think about: - Ambivert: This term describes those who fall in the middle of the spectrum, enjoying both social time and solitude. - Situational Extroverts: You might be outgoing and chatty in certain contexts (like at work) but crave quiet time other days. Remember: There's no "right" or "wrong" way to be. It's about what works for you. Embracing Your Newfound Introverted Side Discovering your inner introvert can be a little disorienting. Here's how to adjust and embrace this change: - Don't Fight It: If you're needing more alone time, honor that. Trying to be the same old social butterfly might lead to frustration. - Rediscover Your Joys: What makes you happy when you're by yourself? Rekindle old hobbies, try new ones, or simply savor the silence. - Set Boundaries: It's okay to say "no" to invites or put a time limit on social outings to protect your energy. - Find Your People: Seek out friends who understand and respect your need for a calmer social life. Key Takeaway: It's perfectly normal and healthy to lean into your more introverted tendencies. Give yourself permission to explore this new side! Dealing With Doubts Change can be unsettling, so let's address some of the anxieties that might pop up: - "Am I Losing Myself?": No! It's more about personal growth. You're still the same awesome person, just with evolving needs. - "Will My Friends Think I'm Weird?": True friends will support you. Explain your change honestly, most will likely get it. - "Is Something Wrong With Me?": Nope! It's very common for personalities to shift, and introversion is nothing to feel bad about. Fun Fact: Did you know that many famous actors, authors, and scientists identify as introverts? It's a superpower in its own way! Could Trauma Play a Role? Sometimes a shift towards introversion can be a response to a difficult experience. It's important to understand the distinction: - Trauma Response: A traumatic event can lead to social withdrawal and a desire for solitude as a coping mechanism. - Introversion: This is a core personality trait. While trauma might temporarily highlight introverted tendencies, they were likely always there to some degree. Important: If you suspect your changes in social behavior are due to trauma, seeking help from a mental health professional is crucial for healing and proper support. Introverts and Extroverts: Can They Make It Work? Whether it comes to friendships or romance, different personalities can absolutely thrive together! Here's why opposites often attract: Friendships - Balance: Introverts can help extroverts slow down and appreciate solitude, while extroverts can encourage introverts to get out there more. - Learning from Each Other Introverts might learn to be more outgoing, while extroverts might gain a better understanding of boundaries. - Mutual Respect is Key: Everyone needs to understand and accept each other's energy levels and social needs. Romantic Relationships - Spice of Life: Differences add excitement and opportunities for growth. - Complementary Strengths: An extrovert might plan fun outings, while an introvert can create a cozy haven for relaxation. - Challenges: Compromises around socializing are essential, and each person needs to avoid pushing the other to be someone they're not. What About Those Born Introverts? Many people identify deeply with introversion from a young age. Here's what that means: - Wired Differently: Research suggests brain differences between introverts and extroverts, especially in how they process rewards and social interaction. - Not a Choice: While you can learn coping skills, being an introvert is a core part of who you are. - Embracing Your Strengths: Introverts are often great listeners, deep thinkers, and highly focused. Celebrate those qualities! Myths vs. Facts About Introverts MythFactIntroverts hate people.Introverts value social interaction, but often prefer smaller groups or one-on-one conversations.Introverts are always shy.Shyness and introversion are not the same. Introverts can be outgoing in situations they feel comfortable in.Introverts can't be good leaders.Introverts often possess excellent listening skills, deep focus, and strong analytical abilities – vital traits for leaders.Introverts are depressed or have low self-esteem.Introversion is a personality trait, not a mental health issue. Many introverts have healthy self-esteem and are perfectly content. My Personal Story: An Extrovert's Transformation I want to share a little bit about myself because I think a lot of readers might relate. In my 20s, I was the definition of an extrovert – always out, always up for anything, the life of the party. But in my 30s, something changed. It wasn't drastic, but I started craving more quiet nights in. Big crowds felt overstimulating, and I even caught myself dreading some social plans. At first, I was a bit confused. Was I getting old? Boring?? But what I realized was this: I wasn't changing who I am, just learning to better manage my energy. Now I'm more selective about how I socialize. I find smaller gatherings or one-on-one time with close friends much more satisfying. And guess what? I'm not some kind of social outcast – I'm honestly happier! Are You Experiencing Something Similar? If any of this sounds familiar, you're not alone! Don't worry, you don't have to give up your social life altogether. Here are some tips for extroverts learning to embrace their inner introvert: - Schedule Quiet Time: Just like you plan social events, block off time in your calendar for solo chill time. - "Recharge" Breaks: Leave a party early if you need to, or step away for a few minutes of quiet during a bustling event. - Don't Overexplain: It's OK to simply say "I need a night to myself" without feeling like you have to justify it. Key Takeaway: Our personalities can shift and flex throughout life. The true mark of a happy person is being able to adapt! Introversion/Extroversion - Quiet Revolution: https://www.quietrev.com/. Susan Cain's website on the power of introverts. Could be added to a section discussing the strengths of introversion. - Psychology Today: https://www.psychologytoday.com/ Search their site for articles specifically on introversion/extroversion. Great resource to link within relevant sections! FAQs Let's tackle some common questions about this whole introvert/extrovert thing: Q: Can extroverts really become introverts? *A: While personalities don't completely flip, it's very common to become less intensely extroverted over time. We adapt to our needs and energy levels. Q: Are extroverts attracted to introverts (or vice versa)? *A: Definitely! Relationships with different personalities can be incredibly fulfilling. Introverts and extroverts often balance each other well. Q: Does trauma make you become an introvert?*A: Trauma can lead to social withdrawal as a coping mechanism, but this differs from introversion. If you suspect trauma is impacting your social tendencies, seeking professional support is crucial. Q: Why do people become more introverted? *A: Lots of reasons! Aging, major life events, learning to prioritize quiet time, and simply getting to know yourself better can all play a role. Q: Are introverts and extroverts born that way? *A: It's a mix! Our baseline personality has genetic roots, but life experiences and choices shape how we express those traits. Q: Can extroverts enjoy quiet moments too? *A: Absolutely! Extroversion isn't about being "on" all the time. Many extroverts value downtime to recharge. Q: I used to be so outgoing, but now I'm not. Why? *A: It's totally normal for our social preferences to change. Think back to any major life events or shifts in how you feel energized – these offer clues! Q: Is it hard for introverts to find love? *A: Not at all! Introverts often build deep, meaningful connections, which are the foundation of lasting love. Conclusion The question of whether an extrovert can become an introvert highlights something important: personalities aren't set in stone. We change, we grow, and we discover new things about ourselves at every stage of life. Whether it's due to aging, life experiences, or simply a better understanding of your needs, becoming more introverted isn't a bad thing. In fact, there's immense value in recognizing and honoring those shifts. It's a complex question, and everyone's experience with shifting personality traits is unique. Hopefully, you now have a better understanding of why an extroverted person might start showing more introverted tendencies. The most important thing is to be accepting of yourself and to find a social life that feels fulfilling! Key Takeaways - Embrace the Change: Instead of resisting how you've evolved, figure out how to create a fulfilling life that matches your current preferences. - It's a Spectrum: Think about introversion and extroversion as adjustable dials rather than strict categories. - Respect Your Energy: Learn to say "no" to protect your mental wellbeing and avoid burnout. - Find Your Balance: Discover the social rhythms that make you feel your best, whether that means occasional lively gatherings or mostly chill nights at home. Have you experienced changes in how extroverted or introverted you feel? Share your story in the comments below! Let's create a community where we can support each other through the evolution of our social selves. Disclaimer: The information provided on this website is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice. Always consult with a qualified healthcare professional before making any decisions about your health. Read the full article

[szczekaczz]

thought i might share some books that are important to me or that i found simply very interesting. i love learning what others are reading and maybe it's time for me to return the favor haha

Solo: The Story of an African Wild Dog by Hugo van Lawick. An observation on an AWD pup whose mother was very low in the pack hierarchy. One of my childhood faves. I found it in the local antiquarian bookshop when I was nine or ten and fell in love immediately. I still have very nice memories of it <3

The Last Unicorn by Peter S. Beagle. An unicorn tries to discover what happened to all other unicorns in the world. Also a childhood book. Some of the excerpts are still very close to my heart and I have them memorized after all these years…

The Plague Dogs by Richard Adams. Two dogs escape facility experimenting on animals and try to survive in the wild of the mountains. I have no words for this book. It (together with animated adaptation) literally changed something in my brain and I was never the same. This is also where my love for the tragedy began… It remains the biggest inspiration for my own project of The Lantern Dogs, even though I realized it like a year into working on it haha. It’s so rooted in my brain.

The Death of the Beautiful Deer and How I Came to Know Fish by Ota Pavel. Autobiography and childhood memoir of a mentally ill Czech guy who goes fishing. My copy includes both of these books so I’m merging them here. It was an extremely touching and emotional book for me in my teenhood. I remember having note app full of excerpts from it in my old phone haha plus I always still include this book if someone asks me for reading recommendations.

A Short History of Decay by Emil Cioran. A philosophy book on many things with the biggest focus on death. Okay so this was extremely important for me during high school and it gave me enormous comfort back then. I remember feeling a great peace… Unfortunately my current mental issues prevent me from re-reading it (I tried last year and couldn’t even finish one page lol) but yeah back then it was a source of peace of mid.

Rytm życia [Rhythm of life] by Antoni Kępiński. Essays on philosophy, medicine and biology based on the history of nazi concentration camps in WW2. And this is what brings me peace right now. It doesn’t have any translation and it’s a true shame. I don’t even know how to describe it. It talks about the foundations of all life on earth, how people act in extreme situations, how does the world work after the war, how technology affects our psyche… it’s hard to describe. If I were to ever translate just one book, it would be this one.

Shielding the Flame by Hanna Krall. Based on the interview with Marek Edelman about his memories of Warsaw Ghetto Uprising and later working as a cardiologist. I’m been finding myself very drawn to literature about the reality of the war. This book is very moving. I don’t know what to add here, it’s so important.

The Time of Women by Elena Chizhova. A story of three generations of women in USSR. I read it for my classes last year and loved it… I found the relationships between the characters and their ways of coping with living in harsh conditions the most interesting. During classes some people said that the narration was too complicated but personally I found it very fun and clear tbh.

Hadji Murat by Leo Tolstoy. An Avar rebel has to make an alliance with imperial Russian military. Tolstoy’s prose is as pleasurable as always. I love his use of language and ways of storytelling. I read it last year during a brief vacation in the woods and I’ll always associate it with that peace and quiet…

Ali and Nino by Kurban Said. A story of Muslim Azerbaijani boy and Christian Georgian girl set in the deserts of the Baku. It was recommended to us during the classes on the Russian-speaking Caucasus. The professor advised us to focus on the dialogue between the cultures and religions, how they blend and interact with each other. I also fell in love with the language… it was such a pleasant read.

From predatory behaviour to relationship: looking at dog from different perspectives by Michele Minunno. An analysis on predatory behaviors in dogs, what is their meaning and how they affect relationships between dogs themselves and also humans. Over the years I’ve been studying dogs more closely, I’ve found no one whose thoughts and knowledge on dogs I would respect more than Michele’s. His respect towards dogs and who they are as a person is truly touching to me. I think this book is a nice introduction to his work…

Canine Olfaction Science and Law by Tadeusz Jezierski and others. Everything on dogs’ sense of smell. After searching for so long, I’ve been so happy to finally find a book that talks about the olfactory system in such a detailed and deliberate way. I haven’t finished reading and studying it yet, but I can’t recommend it enough already. I wish I could shove the entire book into my brain forever…

What Is a Dog? by Raymond and Lora Coppinger. Basics on behavioral ecology of dogs based on observations in Mexico, India and Africa. I think this book can be a very nice introduction to ecology in general to people who are not very into biology yet – everything is explained in a very simple and understandable way. I am fascinated with free-ranging dogs of all kinds and I took a great pleasure learning about FRDs in the south.

there are also some books that unfortunately don't have an english translation so i didn't include them (besides Kępiński's one yeah) but there are more </3 but most of them are on pedagogy and are set specifically in poland's reality so it probably would be quite hard to explain their importance to me...

[coolsharkpirate]

I don’t think these anons understand that nothing would ever change in the world if we didn’t forgive people. People make mistakes, it’s inevitable, but that shouldn’t define them. What should define them is how they grow and change from what they did. Of course, what you did sucked really fucking badly, but you admit that now and have changed. You’re a good person now who has helped others more than you’ve helped yourself, and while your bad past is important to acknowledge, it doesn’t change the fact that you’ve done so much good.

Long story short: Keep on doing your best, and I hope you feel better soon.

I kind of have a suspicion of who it could be sending me the anons, I think they got tired of me not over reacting and decided to leave me alone. Which amuses me because they had to go out of their way to send anons and that's more effort than anyone on the internet should be worth.

What I am coming to terms with, is people who are wishing harm, are probably people who I have very little interaction with. I liked to think I was rather approachable, but I also know that not everyone is going to like me and when someone says one thing they're going to jump on that and make it everything.

Honestly it makes me think of how Bean reacts to things she doesn't like. Big feelings are valid, everyone has a right to get them out, if anons feel vindicated by coming at me with accusations, then refusing to provide proof, I don't know what more I can do.

I did try to help myself instead of others for about a month, and then I got this abscess, I think I'd like to ignore myself again thanks. I'm kidding, realizing how much I meant to people really hit me harder than the last car I got hit by. Bean has been extremely gentle with me, and I always figured if I was gone she'd not care at all, because Justin seems to be her favorite person. But since I've been home if I make any noise of pain she runs over going "You ok? You ok?" And then brings me water/my glucometer/a stuffed animal and will climb up to sit with me quietly until her 3 year old brain kicks in and she has to run.

I also have an issue with relationships, with losing so many people through my life, I have always just assumed that I was an expendable person in people's lives and always just accepted that. After ending a 7 year relationship and essentially restarting my entire life from the ground up, only to have the 2 closest people at that time also just drift away suddenly, I always dreaded how it'd be with my husband, but the concern and love and just overwhelming support he gave me, including sleeping on Ched (It's a chair that turns into a bed), for three nights, taking weeks off work to make sure I'm not going to do something to get hurt worse, I think for the first time I understand what it truly means to be loved. I never even felt that way as a child, and it's kind of scary if I'm honest.

I also had friends on Discord who'd reach out and check on me, I know everyone has real busy lives and it was just touching that people thought of me during their days.

I think over all this whole hospital thing was good for me on many levels, though we got the first bills and that's going to be a fun time fighting insurance on.

I was trying to get a pic of a cat today, but they're being bastards for the camera. So have a distressed Amelio, from when I took his qtip and he didn't know what to do.

[missmentelle]

Why Smart People Believe Stupid Things

If you’ve been paying attention for the last couple of years, you might have noticed that the world has a bit of a misinformation problem. 

The problem isn’t just with the recent election conspiracies, either. The last couple of years has brought us the rise (and occasionally fall) of misinformation-based movements like:

Sandy Hook conspiracies

Gamergate

Pizzagate

The MRA/incel/MGTOW movements

anti-vaxxers

flat-earthers

the birther movement

the Illuminati 

climate change denial

Spygate

Holocaust denial 

COVID-19 denial 

5G panic 

QAnon 

But why do people believe this stuff?

It would be easy - too easy - to say that people fall for this stuff because they’re stupid. We all want to believe that smart people like us are immune from being taken in by deranged conspiracies. But it’s just not that simple. People from all walks of life are going down these rabbit holes - people with degrees and professional careers and rich lives have fallen for these theories, leaving their loved ones baffled. Decades-long relationships have splintered this year, as the number of people flocking to these conspiracies out of nowhere reaches a fever pitch. 

So why do smart people start believing some incredibly stupid things? It’s because:

Our brains are built to identify patterns. 

Our brains fucking love puzzles and patterns. This is a well-known phenomenon called apophenia, and at one point, it was probably helpful for our survival - the prehistoric human who noticed patterns in things like animal migration, plant life cycles and the movement of the stars was probably a lot more likely to survive than the human who couldn’t figure out how to use natural clues to navigate or find food. 

The problem, though, is that we can’t really turn this off. Even when we’re presented with completely random data, we’ll see patterns. We see patterns in everything, even when there’s no pattern there. This is why people see Jesus in a burnt piece of toast or get superstitious about hockey playoffs or insist on always playing at a certain slot machine - our brains look for patterns in the constant barrage of random information in our daily lives, and insist that those patterns are really there, even when they’re completely imagined. 

A lot of conspiracy theories have their roots in people making connections between things that aren’t really connected. The belief that “vaccines cause autism” was bolstered by the fact that the first recognizable symptoms of autism happen to appear at roughly the same time that children receive one of their rounds of childhood immunizations - the two things are completely unconnected, but our brains have a hard time letting go of the pattern they see there. Likewise, many people were quick to latch on to the fact that early maps of COVID infections were extremely similar to maps of 5G coverage -  the fact that there’s a reasonable explanation for this (major cities are more likely to have both high COVID cases AND 5G networks) doesn’t change the fact that our brains just really, really want to see a connection there. 

Our brains love proportionality. 

Specifically, our brains like effects to be directly proportional to their causes - in other words, we like it when big events have big causes, and small causes only lead to small events. It’s uncomfortable for us when the reverse is true. And so anytime we feel like a “big” event (celebrity death, global pandemic, your precious child is diagnosed with autism) has a small or unsatisfying cause (car accident, pandemics just sort of happen every few decades, people just get autism sometimes), we sometimes feel the need to start looking around for the bigger, more sinister, “true” cause of that event. 

Consider, for instance, the attempted assassination of Pope John Paul II. In 1981, Pope John Paul II was shot four times by a Turkish member of a known Italian paramilitary secret society who’d recently escaped from prison - on the surface, it seems like the sort of thing conspiracy theorists salivate over, seeing how it was an actual multinational conspiracy. But they never had much interest in the assassination attempt. Why? Because the Pope didn’t die. He recovered from his injuries and went right back to Pope-ing. The event didn’t have a serious outcome, and so people are content with the idea that one extremist carried it out. The death of Princess Diana, however, has been fertile ground for conspiracy theories; even though a woman dying in a car accident is less weird than a man being shot four times by a paid political assassin, her death has attracted more conspiracy theories because it had a bigger outcome. A princess dying in a car accident doesn’t feel big enough. It’s unsatisfying. We want such a monumentous moment in history to have a bigger, more interesting cause. 

These theories prey on pre-existing fear and anger. 

Are you a terrified new parent who wants the best for their child and feels anxious about having them injected with a substance you don’t totally understand? Congrats, you’re a prime target for the anti-vaccine movement. Are you a young white male who doesn’t like seeing more and more games aimed at women and minorities, and is worried that “your” gaming culture is being stolen from you? You might have been very interested in something called Gamergate. Are you a right-wing white person who worries that “your” country and way of life is being stolen by immigrants, non-Christians and coastal liberals? You’re going to love the “all left-wingers are Satantic pedo baby-eaters” messaging of QAnon. 

Misinformation and conspiracy theories are often aimed strategically at the anxieties and fears that people are already experiencing. No one likes being told that their fears are insane or irrational; it’s not hard to see why people gravitate towards communities that say “yes, you were right all along, and everyone who told you that you were nuts to be worried about this is just a dumb sheep. We believe you, and we have evidence that you were right along, right here.” Fear is a powerful motivator, and you can make people believe and do some pretty extreme things if you just keep telling them “yes, that thing you’re afraid of is true, but also it’s way worse than you could have ever imagined.”

Real information is often complicated, hard to understand, and inherently unsatisfying. 

The information that comes from the scientific community is often very frustrating for a layperson; we want science to have hard-and-fast answers, but it doesn’t. The closest you get to a straight answer is often “it depends” or “we don’t know, but we think X might be likely”. Understanding the results of a scientific study with any confidence requires knowing about sampling practices, error types, effect sizes, confidence intervals and publishing biases. Even asking a simple question like “is X bad for my child” will usually get you a complicated, uncertain answer - in most cases, it really just depends. Not understanding complex topics makes people afraid - it makes it hard to trust that they’re being given the right information, and that they’re making the right choices. 

Conspiracy theories and misinformation, on the other hand, are often simple, and they are certain. Vaccines bad. Natural things good. 5G bad. Organic food good. The reason girls won’t date you isn’t a complex combination of your social skills, hygiene, appearance, projected values, personal circumstances, degree of extroversion, luck and life phase - girls won’t date you because feminism is bad, and if we got rid of feminism you’d have a girlfriend. The reason Donald Trump was an unpopular president wasn’t a complex combination of his public bigotry, lack of decorum, lack of qualifications, open incompetence, nepotism, corruption, loss of soft power, refusal to uphold the basic responsibilities of his position or his constant lying - they hated him because he was fighting a secret sex cult and they’re all in it. 

Instead of making you feel stupid because you’re overwhelmed with complex information, expert opinions and uncertain advice, conspiracy theories make you feel smart - smarter, in fact, than everyone who doesn’t believe in them. And that’s a powerful thing for people living in a credential-heavy world. 

Many conspiracy theories are unfalsifiable. 

It is very difficult to prove a negative. If I tell you, for instance, that there’s no such thing as a purple swan, it would be very difficult for me to actually prove that to you - I could spend the rest of my life photographing swans and looking for swans and talking to people who know a lot about swans, and yet the slim possibility would still exist that there was a purple swan out there somewhere that I just hadn’t found yet. That’s why, in most circumstances, the burden of proof lies with the person making the extraordinary claim - if you tell me that purple swans exist, we should continue to assume that they don’t until you actually produce a purple swan. 

Conspiracy theories, however, are built so that it’s nearly impossible to “prove” them wrong. Is there any proof that the world’s top-ranking politicians and celebrities are all in a giant child sex trafficking cult? No. But can you prove that they aren’t in a child sex-trafficking cult? No, not really. Even if I, again, spent the rest of my life investigating celebrities and following celebrities and talking to people who know celebrities, I still couldn’t definitely prove that this cult doesn’t exist - there’s always a chance that the specific celebrities I’ve investigated just aren’t in the cult (but other ones are!) or that they’re hiding evidence of the cult even better than we think. Lack of evidence for a conspiracy theory is always treated as more evidence for the theory - we can’t find anything because this goes even higher up than we think! They’re even more sophisticated at hiding this than we thought! People deeply entrenched in these theories don’t even realize that they are stuck in a circular loop where everything seems to prove their theory right - they just see a mountain of “evidence” for their side. 

Our brains are very attached to information that we “learned” by ourselves.

Learning accurate information is not a particularly interactive or exciting experience. An expert or reliable source just presents the information to you in its entirety, you read or watch the information, and that’s the end of it. You can look for more information or look for clarification of something, but it’s a one-way street - the information is just laid out for you, you take what you need, end of story. 

Conspiracy theories, on the other hand, almost never show their hand all at once. They drop little breadcrumbs of information that slowly lead you where they want you to go. This is why conspiracy theorists are forever telling you to “do your research” - they know that if they tell you everything at once, you won’t believe them. Instead, they want you to indoctrinate yourself slowly over time, by taking the little hints they give you and running off to find or invent evidence that matches that clue. If I tell you that celebrities often wear symbols that identify them as part of a cult and that you should “do your research” about it, you can absolutely find evidence that substantiates my claim - there are literally millions of photos of celebrities out there, and anyone who looks hard enough is guaranteed to find common shapes, poses and themes that might just mean something (they don’t - eyes and triangles are incredibly common design elements, and if I took enough pictures of you, I could also “prove” that you also clearly display symbols that signal you’re in the cult). 

The fact that you “found” the evidence on your own, however, makes it more meaningful to you. We trust ourselves, and we trust that the patterns we uncover by ourselves are true. It doesn’t feel like you’re being fed misinformation - it feels like you’ve discovered an important truth that “they” didn’t want you to find, and you’ll hang onto that for dear life. 

Older people have not learned to be media-literate in a digital world. 

Fifty years ago, not just anyone could access popular media. All of this stuff had a huge barrier to entry - if you wanted to be on TV or be in the papers or have a radio show, you had to be a professional affiliated with a major media brand. Consumers didn’t have easy access to niche communities or alternative information - your sources of information were basically your local paper, the nightly news, and your morning radio show, and they all more or less agreed on the same set of facts. For decades, if it looked official and it appeared in print, you could probably trust that it was true. 

Of course, we live in a very different world today - today, any asshole can accumulate an audience of millions, even if they have no credentials and nothing they say is actually true (like “The Food Babe”, a blogger with no credentials in medicine, nutrition, health sciences, biology or chemistry who peddles health misinformation to the 3 million people who visit her blog every month). It’s very tough for older people (and some younger people) to get their heads around the fact that it’s very easy to create an “official-looking” news source, and that they can’t necessarily trust everything they find on the internet. When you combine that with a tendency toward “clickbait headlines” that often misrepresent the information in the article, you have a generation struggling to determine who they can trust in a media landscape that doesn’t at all resemble the media landscape they once knew. 

These beliefs become a part of someone’s identity. 

A person doesn’t tell you that they believe in anti-vaxx information - they tell you that they ARE an anti-vaxxer. Likewise, people will tell you that they ARE a flat-earther, a birther, or a Gamergater. By design, these beliefs are not meant to be something you have a casual relationship with, like your opinion of pizza toppings or how much you trust local weather forecasts - they are meant to form a core part of your identity. 

And once something becomes a core part of your identity, trying to make you stop believing it becomes almost impossible. Once we’ve formed an initial impression of something, facts just don’t change our minds. If you identify as an antivaxxer and I present evidence that disproves your beliefs, in your mind, I’m not correcting inaccurate information - I am launching a very personal attack against a core part of who you are. In fact, the more evidence I present, the more you will burrow down into your antivaxx beliefs, more confident than ever that you are right. Admitting that you are wrong about something that is important to you is painful, and your brain would prefer to simply deflect conflicting information rather than subject you to that pain.

We can see this at work with something called the confirmation bias. Simply put, once we believe something, our brains hold on to all evidence that that belief is true, and ignore evidence that it’s false. If I show you 100 articles that disprove your pet theory and 3 articles that confirm it, you’ll cling to those 3 articles and forget about the rest. Even if I show you nothing but articles that disprove your theory, you’ll likely go through them and pick out any ambiguous or conflicting information as evidence for “your side”, even if the conclusion of the article shows that you are wrong - our brains simply care about feeling right more than they care about what is actually true.  

There is a strong community aspect to these theories. 

There is no one quite as supportive or as understanding as a conspiracy theorist - provided, of course, that you believe in the same conspiracy theories that they do. People who start looking into these conspiracy theories are told that they aren’t crazy, and that their fears are totally valid. They’re told that the people in their lives who doubted them were just brainwashed sheep, but that they’ve finally found a community of people who get where they’re coming from. Whenever they report back to the group with the “evidence” they’ve found or the new elaborations on the conspiracy theory that they’ve been thinking of (“what if it’s even worse than we thought??”), they are given praise for their valuable contributions. These conspiracy groups often become important parts of people’s social networks - they can spend hours every day talking with like-minded people from these communities and sharing their ideas. 

Of course, the flipside of this is that anyone who starts to doubt or move away from the conspiracy immediately loses that community and social support. People who have broken away from antivaxx and QAnon often say that the hardest part of leaving was losing the community and friendships they’d built - not necessarily giving up on the theory itself. Many people are rejected by their real-life friends and family once they start to get entrenched in conspiracy theories; the friendships they build online in the course of researching these theories often become the only social supports they have left, and losing those supports means having no one to turn to at all. This is by design - the threat of losing your community has kept people trapped in abusive religious sects and cults for as long as those things have existed. 

[hawkins-losers]

what about a robin x reader fic in which robin and the reader are in an established relationship and they go to the Hawkins fair on a date. robin says it’s on her bucket list to kiss at the top of a ferris wheel and even though the reader is afraid of heights, she hides it from robin so she can have her special kiss.

-

Like most couples in Hawkins, you and Robin were on a date at the fair. It was your first date in a public space and it was exciting. You couldn't act like a full on couple because there was too many risks of getting called something homophobic, but you got to win your girlfriend prizes and steal a few kisses in the room of mirrors.

‘’I’ve always wanted to have a kiss on top of the ferris wheel,’’ Robin confessed as you were walking around after getting cotton candy. Her lips will taste so sweet. She took a piece with sticky fingers and put it in her mouth. ‘’I know it’s a fair cliché and more cheesy than romantic, but-‘’

You gulped, beginning to feel sweaty. The ferris wheel was the highest ride at the fair and, in your opinion, the scariest. Since you could remember, you've always hated that ride with a passion. There was no past trauma related to it. It was so high and scary. What if the security bar fails and you fall from the cabin? You die. Brutal, right?

Ten minutes later, an employee opened the cabin and you and Robin got in. As the ride jerked to life, you couldn't help but gasp. The screeching of the ride as it went up sounded unsafe. How do people go on the ferris wheel and feel safe? If you moved even a little, the whole cabin was moving.

Beside you, Robin was holding the pink cat you had proudly won by aiming at balloons with a dart and smiling, seemingly having a great time - which was all that mattered. You, on the other hand, and your fear of heights were having a terrible time.

The ferris wheel stopped abruptly, causing the passenger cabins to come to a halt. You gripped the security bar in front of, a little startled. What the hell?

Noticing your confusion, Robin explained to you that people were getting on the ride. You looked down, trying to see people getting on the ride, but it turned out to be a bad idea as you began feeling dizzy.

‘’Babe, you okay?’’ Robin asked, noticing your eyes were shut.

You shook your head. ‘’I…I don’t really like height.’’

‘’Then why did you get on the ride?’’ Robin grabbed your hand, holding her plushie against her chest with her other.

‘’Because I wanted you to have your kiss on top of the ferris wheel.’’

‘’Yeah, but you didn't have to force yourself to get on just because I wanted to kiss you on the top of the ferris wheel. I understand fear, you know? I have a deep fear of rabies myself.’’

You opened your eyes, giving the girl beside you a look. ‘’Are you really comparing my fear of height with your fear of rabies?’’

Robin’s fear of rabies was one of the quirkiest things you liked about her. It was so uncommon and random that it was cute.

Robin shrugged. ‘’Fear is fear.‘’

’’Yeah, but I'm more likely to be forced to encounter heights than you rabies. Let's be realistic. You never touch wild animals. You can only get rabies when infectious saliva is introduced into the body, usually through a bite from an infected animal. Rabies transmissions from other types of exposures are extremely rare.‘’

‘’Which is why I didn't let you touch the chipmunk in the park.‘’

‘’That chipmunk did not have rabies-‘’

‘’Maybe it did. You can't know-‘’ Robin interrupted herself, her blue eyes lighting up when realizing you made it to the top of the ride. ‘’Oh! Look, we're on the top! Do you think we can see my house from here?‘’

-

Taglist: @broadway-or-noway @violetsleftfist @thelaststraw3  @cursedandromedablack  @Slashersimpfor  @savagejane1   @wh0reforbucknasty   @eddiemunson-slut   @slvdsjjk  @hehehehannahthings  @dreamdancers-world  @grace-loux  @iamharrystyleslover  @matildavol6  @Original_babababoo  @eddiemunsonbby  @notbeforelong  @lexi-2004 @violetrainbow412-blog  @tatespillows  @alwayslexii  @lilygreennn   @milkiane  @imahomeslice  @bunnygrl16 @cwritesforfun @marauders3rawh0re  @your-mom21 @parkersmyth @voguesir @milkiane @andrewgarfields-girlfriend @lilygreennn @alexxavicry @charlie-chick  @wandamaximoffs-deadchild  @horrorstreet  @rmeddar123  @Pastel-abyss-x @lil-tracys  @lanalanabanana

Robin Buckley taglist: @uhidklol-26 @prettyplant0   @ran-rap   @eddiemvunsongf    @batorchids222  @scarlet-kazuha  @saphmoth  @uhidklol-26  @you-makeme-crazier-blog  @spongebob-in-the-upsidedown  @swiftbyul  @xenon54xe  @tribute-101  @starstruckspring  @whyamihere2673  @moonlight-imagines  @p40l44 @moonlight-imagines   @ofherscarlettwitchways  @pastelbabygirl19 @eddiemunsonbby  @bitterbyfletcher @i-could-be-lonely-with-you @chrisxevans-seb @robinbuckleyluvr @lol-lol—idk @satinselenite  @missmaxmayfield  @soph69420world @nancewheelersworld  @nluvwitheddiemunson  

[soft-boi-eli]

Hello Hello!

I just wanted to say I love your fics!

ALSO!

Could I request a CC!SBI X Gn! Insomniac Reader! Where the reader is an insomniac (Obviously-) but is somehow a pro at MC!

Like they are basically god at the game! They also REALLY enjoy horror games! They don’t get scared easily and LOVE horror movies! They basically love anything horror/creepy-

ANYWAYS!!

The reader lives off of ramen and Monster energy drinks (For fun-)! They have a Twitch (Which has about 18 mil followers and 14 mil subs!) and a YouTube channel (Which has 20 mil followers!)

They mainly play horror games (Obviously-) and MC!

You can do headcanons or scenarios/images with the SBI! Maybe like playing a horror game together or MC? OR! Maybe some things they do together? Or when they meet up? Or-to many ideas Nightmare-

ANYWAYS!

I don’t really care! And don’t worry about taking too long on it!

ALSO!

Maybe we could be friends? Only if you want too!

Remember to eat, drink, and get enough sleep!

<3

Yes. I lovesthese ideas and I'm gonna choose headcannons due to they are a bit easierfor me to write.

And yes I'm perfectly fine with being your friend! I'm actually happy to make friends on this app so yeah!

Pronouns:nonbinary

Tw: cussing. Insomia, mentions of horror movies. Mention of horror games. Fluff.

SBI with a horror streamer friend head cannons.

*Ahem* tommy wanted to paly a game with you so you choose a game that didn't look like horror until the middle. He screamed at the jump scare and it made both of your chats so happy.

When phil decides to play with you there is literally a silence after a jump scare. Everyone thought he had a heart attack and honestly so did you until he spoke up about accidently hitting his mute button when he jumped.

Wilbur. He's a bit better then tommy but more scared then phil would be. Any little noise won't get him but when it starts to get noticeable the noiseless to him. The jump scare, he'd fall out of his seat and stay on the ground for a bit. You ask if he's good and he literally doesn't answer. He's dead. You killed him. Congrats.

Techno. He'd handle them a bit better then everyone else. Not as good as you but heisnt very paranoid. He literally runs at the noises trying to get jumpscared. While you run after him telling him to stop because if he doesn't then you'd lose and die. And technoblade never dies.

If you all play together both tommy and wilbur pussy out. Techno last the longest and phil the second longest. While you remain the ruler of horror games.

Now how you all met was dream invited you to the dream smp to add to the chaos. Needless to say it got extremely chaotic due to you being on almost 24 hours. You first ran into techno. He seemed confused and skeptical.

You both found eachothers love for potatoes. You set up camp quote close to techno but not too close.

Phil popped in when he needed something for a build and noticed a new name. Talked to you in chat and asked to join your VC. You both found each other talking for a bit.

Wilbur was next. Wilbur got curious over the new person and just hoppedinto the same VC as you techno and phil. He was quick to realize that you were a famous youtuber. Mainly for your horror videos and your extreme Parkcore skills.

In minecraft that is.

Tommy noticing that all of you were in the same VC joined in with shouting. He was low key jealous that everyone was obsessed with you. Then he saw why.

You literally cracked jokes at his shouting.

"Is that an angry pomeranian? Nah nah. It's an angry child. Even better an angry blonde!" - you.

He was shocked and immediately started joking and laughing with you. He wasn't fully angry for long.

Now about your diet. When they heard that you had only eaten ramen and drank angry drinks they were concerned. You lived quite close to techno so when you guys met up he was shocked that you looked as healthy as you did.

He hated the fact that you literally didn't eat anything else.

You told him occasionally you have something other then ramen but you were just too lazy to really cook anything and that you didn't feel like burning the house down.

One month phil, tommy, wilbur, and techno decided to organize a month long sleep over so that they could celebrate your birthday. Phil being quote the father figure cooked different, but easy dinners every night just so you didn't eat only ramen that day.

When they actually arrived though you got a text from Phil asking about your address in your dms. Not think much of it you just sent him your location.

You were going to take a small nap. Just to bost your energy before you went and streamed later that night.

As you were sleeping there was a car heading to your house.

Phil, wilbur, tommy, and techno were all just existing in the car. And when they arrived to your house they didn't expect to actually see a clean house.

You woke to a loud knock.

When you opened the door in your half dazed state you expected a package. But to see four people standing on your porch.

You nearly jumped out of your skin.

You were stuck there blinking at them.

Finally snapping out of it you let them in. Confused on why in the ever loving fuck they were here.

Phil explained they were here to celebrate your 21st birthday and they were here for a month.

You stared at them for a while. Confused on what to do since you haven't had people over in almost 2 years.

But you got use to it.

So when you got done streaming and smelled something other then ramen you were thrown off guard. Like what was that. I haven't smelled that in years.

But after the second day you got use to it too.

For your birthday phil literally made a feast.

Like he found your favorite food other then ramen and cooked it. With that he prepared everything you could dream of.

Your sleeping habits. Let's dig into those.

I'm in no place to talk as right now it's 3:05 in the morning. And here I am.

But when they are over they don't let you stay up till no 3-4 in the morning. They all know the importance of sleep.

But there are those nights where no once can sleep and it results in a late night stream. And streaming for hours none the less.

The amount of accidental all nighters everyone has pulled was immense. But that's what happens with jet lag, adhd, and insomnia.

Literally you get tired randomly. Sleep for only 3 hours. Wake up. Drink coffee, energy drinks, highly caffeinated tea. And don't sleep till late at night.

Pillow forts.

It's a must and it happens. Horror movies, pillow forts, and snacks. Like you all are in this massive fort, watching horror movies, one by one you all are falling asleep. You and techno were the last up due to technos active mind and your body not letting you sleep.

You two literally just vide there, changing the movies from horror to some silly animated movies, like how to train your dragon, frozen, Luca, and many others.

You two pull an all nighter and it's actually a bet to see how long anyone else takes to notice.

You bet an hour. Techno says all day.

You won. Philza notices the worse eye bags under both you and technos eyes and immediately starts scolding.

He is papa bird and he won't let anyone of his children neglect their needs.

"Did you even drink water at all? You guys should of been sleeping not binge watching horror movies all night!" -philza

You could only offer a smirk, along with a laugh.

"I think we did I just can't fully remember. Also we were watching animated films. Not horror. Surprised you didn't wake up to let it go." - you.

You turn to techno.

"You owe me 15 bucks pig boy!"-you again.

Handing you the money he rolls his eyes. "Yeha yeah. Rub it in." -techno.

Ah yeah they found a horror game that you were scared of surprisingly. It was actually surprisingly you hadn't played it yet.

Outlast.

You had been holding off that game until you finished your other one but here you were. Bored out of your mind.

So you decided fuck it.

That game teriffed the shit out of you. It was so good though.

When you screamed they all came rushing up due to the fact that you never scream.

They say you out of your chair, on the floor, blinking. They thought you were hurt.

But you sat up and looked at your computer.

"Damn. That was actually really good." When you looked behind you and found the boys all staring you smiled and waved.

"You need something?"-you

"You screamed. We heard a thud. We thought you fuckin died!" -tommy.

"No I'm alive. My soul almost divorced my body but it's still quite here."-you

That day made highlights.

The popular y/n actually got jump scared. The one person who never screamed at horror games screamed.

When they left you were sad yes but they were still your best friends. Ready to talk when ever you want.

Sometimes I think that you guys talk all through out the night. Them forgetting that you were actually in a different time zone.

Sometimes they pop into your streams, be it MC, horror, you just talking to your fans, or even the once in the blue moon, cheerful games.

They just pop in and start talking to you. And you talk back like they were there since the beginning.

Phil is now one of your moderators too. Along with tommy, wilbur, and techno. When they pop in they make sure no one picks on you.

And since you are now close to the SBI. You are now part of it.

You didn't choose the fans did. But they are your new family. No matter what.

Even if they disagree with your eating habit.

Or energy drink addiction.

Or insomnia.

Or you mainly playing horror games.

Or you basically living in your streaming room.

Or even the nearly 24 hour streams.

I could go on but I'm not gonna.

I'm tired. But I can sleep. 2 days and I get to have a tour of my new school.

And it took so long to finally get into it.

We have been going through a huge hassle even before school started to get me enrolled.

And then we had to get me into this program.

But now on Monday I get to go in. Get a tour. Then start either Tuesday or Wednesday.

Anyway hope you liked. It's now 3:50 and it's no proof read I'm sorry